LOS ANGELES—Announcing that they had opened a formal review of the event in question, the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Scientists condemned Will Smith Tuesday for the most violent incident since Frances McDormand gunned down 43 people. “The Academy in no way condones Mr. Smith’s actions, which served as a painful reminder of the dozens of innocent bystanders who were ruthlessly slaughtered by Frances McDormand at the Oscars ceremony of 1997,” said the Academy in a statement, adding that the organization had worked for years to recover from the Fargo actress’ senseless killing spree when she walked up and down the aisles with a rifle murdering dozens of audience members, including actors, extras, and cinematographers. “After Frances committed her horrible crimes, she cackled, shot several bullets into the ceiling, and then calmly walked up to the stage covered in blood to accept her award. We at the Academy swore we would never let a day like that ever happen again, but now that Will Smith has slapped Chris Rock, we fear those dark days have returned.” At press time, the Academy refused to answer questions about why Frances McDormand’s Oscar had not been revoked despite the fact that she then used it to fatally bludgeon several security officers.
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